Lately, I’ve been experiencing strange thoughts and vivid dreams about the purposelessness of life. It’s unsettling, especially because—Alhamdulillah—I’m living a stable, meaningful life, working with intention and purpose. Yet, this feeling creeps in: What’s the point of it all?
Even though I know I’m living with purpose, these thoughts make me question everything. The idea that one day I’ll die, and everything I worked for, everything I desired, will fade away—it overwhelms me. I wonder, Where will I be then? With Allah, yes—but then the thought of an infinite afterlife… it sends shivers down my spine. It keeps me up at night. Sometimes I scream in my sleep. The fear is real, deep, and hard to shake.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt like this. I remember having similar thoughts during my Matric, then again in F.Sc., and later during MBBS. Back then, I met a saintly man, Zia Sahib, at a mosque near our hostel in Gulshan e Iqbal, Rahim Yar Khan. After meeting him, those thoughts faded for a while, but they return—off and on—and over the past few days, they’ve become more intense again. It’s a recurring cycle I’m trying to understand and manage.